ב״ה
Definitions for the italicized Hebrew and Yiddish terms and phrases can be found at the bottom of this piece.
Last fall we celebrated the bar mitzvah of our son Alter, the first in our immediate family in 100 years. The last bar mitzvah was celebrated in Russia by our son’s great-great-grandfather and Chassidic Rabbi, Alter Mendelevich Shulman. There are so many reasons why this bar mitzvah should not have happened – but it did. Thus, I firmly believe that hashgacha pratit, divine providence, is the reason our son wears a black hat as his namesake did before him.
Alter with his parents and sister on the day before his bar mitzvah. Photo credit: Michael Temchine Photography
My husband Asher fled antisemitism in then-Soviet Russia at age 11; his family immigrated to the United States as political refugees. During Soviet times, Jewish cultural and religious practices like brit milah, kashrut, and b’nai mitzvot were banned by laws and violence. Therefore, my husband grew up secular and remained so after immigration.
I was raised Baptist in a town 38 miles from New Orleans. I went to church four days a week for rehearsals, prayer services, or bible study. My father became a lay minister in my teens. I never imagined practicing a different religion. In fact, when Asher and I started dating in 10th grade, I actually tried to convert him to Christianity. He was not having it. Asher and I ate the same food, went to Friday night football games and sang Christmas carols in the school choir. I didn’t understand what could be important about being Jewish if a person didn’t do anything religiously Jewish?
A year of Judaism classes taken sophomore year of college changed the trajectory of my life. It also answered my central question. Asher’s pintele yid, his spark of Jewishness, kept him deeply connected to Jewish identity and peoplehood, despite persecution and minimal practice. I ended up converting to Judaism two times. First, with a combined Reform/Conservative Beit Din.
Alter at his Hanachas Tefillin
Asher did not know about it until it was done. I did it on my own for my own reasons. Second, years later, with a Haredi Beit Din. Three hours of class per week and three hours per day studying on my own for almost a year. The only thing I studied more hours for was the bar exam after law school.
Alter’s road to becoming a bar mitzvah began with Hanachas Tefillin. Two months before his thirteenth birthday, he put on his handpicked tefillin for the first time and got his first black hat, a small brimmed Borsalino. Instead of reciting a maamer (Chassidic discourse), Alter spoke about the halachos (laws) and meaning of tefillin. I’m sometimes asked why I chose Judaism. My feelings are echoed in what Alter shared during that Sunday morning minyan:
Hashem gave us mitzvos in order to give us a special relationship with him. The tefillin contains four parchments. One has the words of the Shema and we are to love Hashem three ways – with our hearts, with our souls, and with our might. In the book “Tefillin,” written by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, zt”l, he points out that the word mitzvah comes from the root meaning “to bind.” Rabbi Kaplan says that every mitzvah or commandment serves to draw us closer to Hashem, and points out that, “with tefillin, we are physically and spiritually binding Hashem’s love to our bodies.” We can see and we can feel the bond.
Alter reading from the Torah
The Judaism I practice isn’t about perfection. It’s about centering love/awe of and service to Hashem in my life. Keeping all 270 of 613 mitzvot observable today without condition, even the ones I don’t like or understand, is me speaking Hashem’s love language. As I say various brachot throughout the day, or when I daven and set aside time in my day for Torah study – I am in an ongoing conversation with Hashem and nourishing our relationship. When I lead children’s services or an adult program, help a Jew I don’t know bury a loved one, or volunteer at my shul, I am showing Ahavat Yisrael. When I help teach underprivileged students how to read, give tzedakah, or care for a foster child, I am caring for all Hashem’s children. It also makes sense to me that everyone does not have to be Jewish to enter the World to Come – a person only has to observe the seven Noahite Laws.
Alter holding the Torah
Without a religious or cultural Jewish upbringing, my husband and I have been intentional in living a vibrant Jewish life. We prioritized joyful and meaningful home observance every day and for all Jewish holidays, synagogue membership and weekly attendance for the family, and Jewish day school and camp for our children. We lived for many years in a predominantly Black and non-Jewish neighborhood where we could walk to shul. It was equally important for us that our children be in community with Black people. During one Sukkot, a neighbor asked – “why did you do all that work renovating your house just to put up a shack in your yard?” We then started a tradition of a sukkah open house each year for all our neighbors with food and education. The next year, the same neighbor said – “oh yeah, it’s time for the sacred tabernacle!”
We belong in any Jewish space we want to be in, but my children and I have faced microaggressions and even overt anti-Black racism that made us feel unwelcome. Our daughter left Jewish day school after 8th grade. In the last two years, Alter has been called a “black monkey” three times in school and at camp, and people he thought were his friends chanted “nigger, nigger” outside his bunk door. Especially since October 7th, Alter has unfairly and illogically been expected to fight antisemitism outside the Jewish community and anti-blackness within it. Resilience should not be required to access their heritage, but I’m so glad our kids have it. There has been pain, but there has been far more joy. I don’t want my grandchildren to be fighting the same battles as their parents, so when we can, we work inside Jewish institutions to change them and make them more welcoming and affirming.
Alter with his family who arrived in town the day before his bar mitzvah
The kid who read ArtScroll Children’s Pirkei Avos for fun learned Torah and Haftarah trope from his caring tutor, Rabbi Mendy, in sixteen thirty-minute lessons. Learning Chassidic nusach (style/melodies of prayer) was very important to Alter. Chabad custom is that an unmarried man does not wear a tallis, but we bought Alter one for use during daily davening at his Orthodox day school. Like everything, we added flavoring to the tradition. Alter wears a wool tallis with thick black stripes customary to Lubavitch Chasidim. However, we added an atarah with his favorite line from the prayer Adon Olom (L-rd of the World): ” G-d is with me, I shall not fear.” On the underside of the atarah is a strip of cloth from my wedding dress. On two corners with tzitzit are 8 mussar (moral conduct) principles Alter wants to increase, like gratitude and awe. On the other two corners are the lineage from both of Alter’s namesakes, Alter and Matan (my maternal grandfather). After a quick lesson from Rabbi Mendy, Asher tied Alter’s tzitzit – which made his tallis even more special.
Alter’s custom tallis
Alter leined (chanted Torah) for the first time at his school’s minyan on his thirteenth Hebrew birthday. Four days later, there were three generations in the kitchen Friday afternoon making shabbat dinner. To honor our heritage, my mother, sister, daughter, aunt and cousins made gumbo, red beans and rice, collard greens, potato salad and fried chicken for 45 guests. Like Jews since the diaspora began, I adapt recipes from my Black and Louisiana Acadian-Creole culture to make them kosher. I eliminate seafood and use glatt kosher chicken, smoked turkey, and Andouille sausage. We also served beautiful challot braided into the Hebrew letters of Alter’s name by a beloved Israeli friend, and my mom’s sweet potato pie. We didn’t use any recipes. We measure from the taste buds, and rely on example and experience learned from our ancestors. We were honored that my teacher, a distinguished Rabbi, traveled to the bar mitzvah and with Alter’s Talmud teacher, led kabbalat shabbat in our living room before dinner began.
Octavia and family making dinner for the Shabbat before Alter’s Bar Mitzvah
Gumbo is a quintessential diaspora dish that is made up of three parts of my ethnic heritage. Its name is from a West African word for okra (ki ngombo) and its base is a French roux (browned flour and water) and filé powder (dried and ground leaves from sassafras trees) added by local Native American tribes. Similar to matza ball soup, everyone can agree on the basic ingredients for gumbo, but people add meats, vegetables, and spices according to their own traditions.
Family and friends traveled from seven states to hear Alter lein all 7 aliyot and Haftarah, deliver his dvar Torah and lead musaf. When he looked out onto the crowd, Alter saw loving Chabad community members, classmates, and kinfolk. We have an incredibly supportive family. For most of my non-Jewish family members, it was their first time in a synagogue and at a bar mitzvah. I made them a four-page program outlining the choreography of the shabbat service and explaining the meaning of ritual items and clothing in the shul. After Alter finished his parasha, he was showered with candy. But few do joy like Chassidim. Everyone on the bimah danced with Alter like it was Simchat Torah.Then, Alter was lifted on shoulders and paraded around the shul to a boisterous rendition of “Siman Tov u’ Mazel Tov.”
Great aunt, grandmother, cousin, and aunt doing a celebratory second line dance
I found ways to honor my side of the family during the shabbat service. My grandmothers always had a handkerchief and elegant fan as part of their Sunday ensembles. In their memory, I had custom fans made with Alter’s name and bar mitzvah date, and he wore a silk handkerchief in his suit pocket.
Alter and sister Esther dancing with custom second line umbrellas made in honor of their respective bar/bat mitzvahs
After maariv, we had a small party at our home for Alter’s classmates and out of town guests. In Judaism, the hora is the dance that brings everyone onto the dance floor. In New Orleans, it’s the second line. Second-line parades are for any celebration, but they began as a way for neighborhood organizations to advertise the loans, insurance and other social aid they offered to freed slaves. The Social, Aid, and Pleasure Clubs began to second-line at funerals to honor members of their communities who had died. The first line includes the grand marshal (parade leader), brass band, and whoever is being honored. The second line are the celebrants dancing (often with amazing footwork) behind the first line. If you’re lucky, a second line may have Mardi Gras Indians. The Big Chief, Big Queen, Flag Boy and others will be strutting and singing – looking pretty in their hand-sewn “masks” (suits and headpieces) covered with beautiful detailed beading and feathers.
Consistent with Orthodox custom, we did not have mixed dancing. Yet, when everyone left except close family, we brought out the handkerchiefs and custom second-line umbrellas made for our son and daughter’s b’nai mitzvot, and our family danced to Rebirth Brass Band’s “Do What You Wanna,” the same song with which my husband and I concluded our Jewish wedding.
Alter dancing at his bar mitzvah party
A bar mitzvah isn’t something you have and it’s over, it’s someone you become. Alter now spends each Shabbos learning the upcoming parasha from a tikkun. He leads morning minyan, acts as gabbai or leins Torah at school almost weekly. In a climate where Jews are hiding their identity, I asked Alter why he wears his tzitzit out and he replied, “you have to be loud and proud, mom.”
Alter’s parasha (Torah portion) was Chayei Sarah. It is about legacy – a person’s merits acquired during life, what a person leaves behind when they die, and who would become the matriarch of the Jewish people after the death of Sarah. Our children are proud of their Black and Jewish heritage. They are participants and leaders in Jewish religious and communal life. All the forces that tried to diminish the Jewish spark in my husband’s family lost. I pray that our family’s Jewish legacy will thrive, B’ezrat Hashem, for generations to come.
Glossary of Terms and Definitions in “100 Years in the Making: A Chassidic Bar Mitzvah with Creole Seasoning”
Compiled by Octavia Hadassah Shulman
Ahavat Yisrael means love of fellow Jews. It is an extremely important concept in Judaism. A key teaching of the Baal Shem Tov, founder of Chassidism, is love of every single Jew, without exception, with the full depth of your heart and with the fire of your soul, no matter who the person is or how the person behaves.
Aliyot: On shabbat, a series of seven men are called up to the reading table platform (bimah) by their Hebrew names and the Hebrew names of their fathers. Once there, they say a short blessing, the baal korei (master reader) reads a portion of the Torah, and they then recite a second blessing. This is called getting an Aliyah and is a great honor. On a Monday or Thursday when the Torah is read, there are 3 aliyot. On a holiday like Passover or Shavout, there are 5 aliyot. On Yom Kippur, there are 6.
Atarah means crown in Hebrew and it refers to the embroidered strip of material on the top of a tallit (along the neckline).
Bar Mitzvah: Jewish tradition suggests that a person’s spiritual being has several levels of soul (neshama). For boys, a new level of neshama comes into awareness at age 13, the ability to be totally selfless. This awareness enables a boy to become a son of the commandment or bar mitzvah. He receives all the rights, responsibilities and obligations of a Jewish adult in regard to performing the commands given in the Torah.
Beit Din is a Jewish court made up of at least three adjudicators. A Beit Din handles cases related to Jewish religious law, including marriage, divorce and conversion, and also arbitrates various civil disputes within the Jewish community.
B’ezrat Hashem is a Hebrew phrase meaning “with G-d’s help.” It is an acknowledgement that humans may make plans, but the ultimate outcome is in G-d’s hands.
Bimah is a platform holding a reader’s table facing the Ark (The aron kodesh or ekhal (holy Ark) is a cabinet that holds the Torah scrolls). The bimah may also have holders for the Torah scroll and its ornaments. It can be in the front or middle of the synagogue.
Black Hat: When people say “black hat,” they mean the Orthodox and Haredi Jewish men, particularly in Ashkenazi communities who wear black hats and jackets and white shirts. Chasidic groups wear different types of black hats. Chabad members have been wearing fedoras, depending on who you ask, since the 1920s or 1950s. Pre-Bar Mitzvah children usually do not wear black hats for davening so that they don’t confuse other people that they are already Bar mitzvah and can join a minyan or get an aliyah. The custom in our Chabad community is for a child to start wearing a black hat starting from Hanachat Tefillin.
B’nai Mitzvot is the plural of Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah. Both happen automatically when a boy turns 13 and girl turns 12 on their Hebrew birthdays.
Brachot (singular, bracha) means “blessings” in Hebrew. There are blessings of gratitude to Hashem for all kinds of things- before and after food, after the restroom, seeing a rainbow, etc. There is even a special mitzvah to say 100 brachot each day.
Brit Milah: The bris or brit milah is the Jewish circumcision ceremony held on the eight day of life. The ritual is carried out by a skilled mohel (circumciser) and is a celebration marking the entrance of another Jewish male into the covenant of Abraham.
Chabad-Lubavitch is a major movement within mainstream Jewish tradition that was established in 1775 in what is modern day Belarus by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, known as the Alter Rebbe. The name “Chabad” is an acronym in Hebrew for Chochmah, Binah, and Da’at, which translate to wisdom, understanding, and knowledge, respectively.
Chayei Sarah means the life of Sarah. It contains 105 verses and 171 lines in the sefer Torah Scroll. To find your bar/bat mitzvah portion, you find your Hebrew birthday. The Shabbat after your birthday is your bar/bat mitzvah portion.
Challot (singular, challah) are the two loaves of braided bread served on shabbat. They remind us of the two portions of manna that fell every Friday in honor of Shabbat (Exodus 16:22-26). We place challah on a board or platter and cover it to remember the manna was covered with a layer of dew below and above it (Shulchan Aruch, Hilchot Shabbat).
Chassidic: (Hasidic) Jews are Orthodox Jews. Founded by the Baal Shem Tov, the 3 pillars of Chasidim are love of G‑d, love of Torah, and love of fellow Jews— each can only be complete when accompanied by the other two. Chabad-Lubavitch is only one of many Chassidic groups.
Daven is a Yiddish word that means to pray.
Dvar Torah means “a word of Torah, and a text-based sermon. This short talk gives a bar or bat mitzvah the opportunity to share his/her understanding and interpretation of the Torah reading.
Gabbai: Gabbai is one of two people (gabbaim) assigned to stand on either side of the Torah reader to ensure that the Torah is being read accurately and treated respectfully.
Glatt is Yiddish word for smooth and applies only to the kashrut status of animals.
Kabalat Shabbat is the Friday evening service (marriv) after shabbat has begun. It includes special liturgy that honors and welcomes the sabbath.
Haftarah means (conclusion) in Hebrew. It is an excerpt from the book of Prophets (Nevi’im) that generally shares a theme with what was read in the Torah on shabbat or is linked to the time of year. Unlike the Torah, the haftarah is printed in a book and it has vowels and cantillation marks, making it much easier to read than the Parshah. The haftarah reading has its own set of blessings, before and after, like the Torah reading. It is chanted to a distinctive trope (melody) used only for haftarah.
Halachos (Halakhah), here defined by Sefaria, is a genre of Jewish legal writing. Rooted in the Torah, Midrash, and Talmud, the many works of Jewish law offer legal guidance regarding ritual observances, business practice, damages, personal status, and much more.
Hanachat tefillin refers to the ceremony where a Jewish boy first puts on tefillin. In my Chabad community, it happens exactly two months before a bar mitzvah (unless that day is shabbat or a holiday when tefillin isn’t worn). It is often celebrated with food and lots of joy! Many boys in Chabad recite a maamer (Chassidic discourse) by heart in Yiddish or Hebrew.
Haredi is a term for the community of stringently observant Jews. All Chassidic Jews are Haredi, but not all Haredim are Chassidic.
Hashem: Jews refer to G-d by many names and one is Hashem. It literally means “the name” in Hebbrew. It is to avoid using Hashem’s name in vain and to show our awe and respect for Him.
Hashgacha pratit: In Jewish theology, divine providence means that G‑d not only knows what is going on down here, but is engaged in supervising it as well. In Hebrew, the term is hashgacha Elokit. When talking about detailed supervision, the term is hashgacha pratit.
Kashrut: Kashrut is the law of keeping kosher. This includes which animals are consumed, how food is prepared, and even how and when it is served.
Lein (Leyn) is a Yiddish word for chanting the Torah.
Maariv is the last of the three daily prayer services recited in the evening after dark.
Maamer is an inspired and uniquely authoritative teaching delivered by a chassidic rebbe to his disciples.
Minyan: In Orthodoxy, a quorum of ten men over the age of 13 is required to read the Torah and to say certain prayers during a prayer service.
Mitzvot is the plural of mitzvah. There are 248 positive (please do), which is the same number of physical limbs and organs in the body. There are 365 negatives (please don’t do), the same number of days of the year. Seventy-seven positive mitzvot and 174 negative mitzvot can be done without the Beit Hamikdash (Temple). Twenty-six mitzvot only apply in the land of Israel. There are 6 constant mitzvot you can do all the time without even thinking about them. Source: The Concise Book of Mitzvot by Chafetz Chayim.
Motzi Shabbos is the evening immediately after shabbat ends. In order to engage is work prohibited on shabbat, one needs to either declare that shabbat is over or do Havdalah over wine.
Musaf is the additional prayer service recited on Shabbat and festivals, commemorating the additional offerings brought in the Temple on these days. The shabbat musaf is recited once privately, and then again publicly by the cantor or prayer leader.
Mussar means moral conduct and includes writings focused on moral principles according to which one should live. Musar is a moral theory and standard of behavior for individuals or congregations.
Parasha: The five books of the Torah are subdivided into 54 portions. Each portion, known as a Parshah or Sidra, is read another week of the year so that the entire scroll is read through on an annual basis (two portions may be combined depending on that year’s calendar).
Pirkei Avos means Ethics of the Fathers and is a collection of ethics, honesty, and advice. It is Chabad custom to study Pirkei Avot on the Shabbats between the holidays of Passover and Shavuot, the seven weeks of the Omer counting.
Seven Noahite Laws are contained in Genesis 9:1-7. These are rules all humanity must keep, no matter who you are or where you live.
Shabbat is the Jewish day of rest. It starts 18 minutes before sundown Friday and ends at least 42 minutes after sunset Saturday night. If you are shomer shabbat, you do not perform forbidden labors (melachot) on shabbat.
Shul is a Yiddish word for synagogue. It is used in both Conservative and Orthodox Ashkenazi communities.
Sukkot (singular, sukkah) is a Hebrew word meaning booths or huts. It is an 8-day harvest festival in the US (7 days in Israel) that commemorates the miraculous protection G‑d provided for the children of Israel when they left Egypt.
Simhas Torah means the joy of Torah. It is a separate holiday celebrated on the last day of Sukkot. You will find congregants dancing with the Torah and kids waving flags. It is also the day we Jews complete the annual reading of the Torah and begin the new cycle of reading the Torah from the beginning of Genesis.
Tallis: The Jewish prayer shawl (tallis or tallit) is a rectangular piece of cloth with fringes (tzitzit) attached at each of its four corners. Non-Jews do not wear tallit. The eight strings and five knots are physical representations of the Torah’s 613 mitzvot. A tallit is worn during morning prayers and all day on Yom Kippur (the Jewish day of atonement).
Tefillin are two square, leather boxes with straps (one for the arm and one for the head), which contain parchments of four Torah sections which speak about the wonders and miracles performed when Hashem took us out of Egypt (Exodus 13:1-10); the responsibility to transmit Judaism to our children (ibid. 13:11-16); G-d’s unity and our mutual bond of love (Deuteronomy 6:4-9); and human’s responsibility towards G-d (ibid. 11:13-21).
Tikkun is a book used to prepare for reading or writing a Torah scroll. It contains both the text of the Torah with vowels and trope marks (Hebrew cantillation) and without (like a Torah scroll).
Torah: A Sefer Torah is the holiest book within Judaism. It is a long scroll containing the entire text of the Five Books of Moses, hand-written on parchment by a pious scribe in the original Hebrew. It is rolled up around two ornate wooden shafts, attached to either end of the scroll.
Trope is the musical notations or cantillation marks that appear in Torah text telling the reader how to sing and punctuate the verses to clarify the structure and meaning of the text. The use of the cantillation marks in current use dates to at least the 9th-10th century CE.
Tzedakah means justice or righteousness in Hebrew. It is the teaching that sharing one’s knowledge, monetary wealth, time, and kindness with those who need it is not about charity, but about justice.
Tzitzit are specially tied threads on a four-cornered garment required by Torah. A large four-cornered garment is called a Tallit Gadol (worn over the clothes). A small garment is called a Tallit Katan (worn under the clothes). Eight threads with five knots are attached to each corner which represent the 613 mitzvot given by Hashem to the Jewish people.
